


We Have a Chemical Romance

by Vic_writes01



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Abusive Sonia Kaspbrak, Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Alternate Universe - Punk, Alvin Marsh Being an Asshole, Eddie Kaspbrak & Beverly Marsh Are Best Friends, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Emo Eddie Kaspbrak, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Marijuana, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Punk Richie Tozier, Recreational Drug Use, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Shotgunning, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-24 22:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22345483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vic_writes01/pseuds/Vic_writes01
Summary: There’s something about the music that Bev had gotten him into. It made him feel things that he had never felt before in his life. For once he felt like he wasn’t alone, there are others out there going through the exact same thing, maybe not like what his mother does to him but maybe like what Bev is going through with her dad; or a whole other thing.Because of the music, Eddie felt empowered, he felt rebellious, he wanted to live life on the edge for once, not wanting to hide in the shadows of his mother’s beliefs. He made Bev dye his hair black and put red through the front. Eddie was 18, Sonia didn’t scare him, he was way over that. So he said he’d go to a concert with Bev, not giving two craps about what his mother says. He wanted to have a bit of fun with his best friend before they split for college in the fall.Little did he know that he’d meet the man of his dreams in the crowd at a My Chemical Romance concert. He was a fine-looking, emo that goes by the name of Richie Tozier. Eddie instantaneously fell in love with the piercings and tattoos. What are the chances?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Kudos: 19





	1. Change My Style

Eddie isn’t a typical high schoolboy. He has been closed off to society for most of his life, ever since his dad died when he was 4. Since then his mother had locked him up, he had a 10 o’clock curfew every night, he was only allowed to listen to classical music, he had to take medication for god knows what and he wasn’t allowed to play with his friends or do any sort of physical activity.

He became a hypochondriac, always fretting over diseases, some of which don't exist, it was all because of his mother. Ever since his dad died of cancer many years ago, Sonia Kaspbrak bundled her son up in bubble wrap and never let him out of her sight. Eddie is embarrassed by her, to be quite frank. She believed that germs made you get cancer, turned you gay etc. And because he was so young, he believed her. 

But as time grew and Eddie started to develop his thinking and understanding of the world, he could see the lies of what his mother told him. It was because of that, that Eddie became overwhelmed with life. He was scared and alone, his friends hated him because he couldn’t hang out with them. They never knew until Bev decided enough was enough and stomped up to his house, she had heard yelling. 

“ _I want to go out with my friends!_ ” Bev heard Eddie scream.

“ _They’re not your friends! They don’t love you, as I do!_ ” Bev heard Sonia reply. 

She couldn’t believe it, she wanted to go but Eddie’s voice, there was something in his voice. _Fear? Was he scared of his mother?_

The answer is yes, yes he was and still is. He had always hoped he could muster the courage to rebel against his mom but he couldn’t. 

*

The young boy, just months shy of 18, looks between his wrist and a razor. He doesn’t want to be here, his mother told Yale to eff off as well as NYU.

 _Face it, Eddie, you’re going to be stuck here forever!_ Eddie thinks to himself and that’s the hard truth.

Because of his mother, his chance of becoming successful at something like law or medicine is slim. So slim that he would have to be at college or university for the remainder of his 20s just to get where he wants to go. 

Why should he stay if his life is ruined even more than it already was? 

“ _Eddie, honey, please don’t,_ ” Bev’s voice replays in his head, like a broken record. 

He hadn’t done this in months because of something that Bev had told him ages ago. She is the only one that knows about his little secret on his thighs and his right upper arm. Beverly had managed to help him, to find another outlet for his anger instead of himself. He was handed all of her screamo, emo, punk type music. The redhead had explained to him that there’s something therapeutic screaming out depressing lyrics, headbanging and throwing soft plush toys at a wall. 

But here he is wanting to relapse into old habits, wanting to slice deep into his skin. No matter how hard he thinks against it, he wants to. _Oh_ , how he wants to. 

“Eddie! Hurry up, I need to go to the bathroom,” Sonia calls from the other side of the door. Eddie throws the razor into the bin and quickly exits his bathroom. 

As he enters his room, he searches for his walkman and collects the CDs, getting ready to burst his eardrums with the heavy screaming of Gerard Way. He hooks the walkman into the waistband of his jeans and locks the door. All he wants is privacy because, throwing plush objects, while therapeutic, isn’t therapeutic if your mother bursts in asking why you aren’t responding to her. 

He drags out the box of the plush objects and starts throwing them at the wall as he jumps around his room screaming at the top of his lungs. Eddie’s vibing to the music, not caring if his mom hears or if she’s banging on his door, all he cares about is getting his emotions out.

He watches as each toy bounces off the wall ad rolls onto the ground. The hypochondriac chuckles and removes the right headphone off his right ear. He climbs down the tree and races to Bev’s, his music still blasting in his ear. It’s the thrill of a lifetime.

He kicks the stopper on the bike and races up the apartment complex’s stairs, he climbs the escape ladder near Bev’s window and knocks.

“Eddie?” Bev whispers.

“Clubhouse, now. I want you to dye my hair,” Eddie whispers back. He knows what her dad would’ve done if he caught him anywhere near Bev. 

“I’ll bring the dyes, what colour?”

“Red and blonde.” 

Eddie smirks and races back down, kicking up the stand and pedals right towards the clubhouse that Ben, Bev’s boyfriend and friend of Eddie’s, built a couple of years back. He zooms through town towards Mike’s farm before heading down the steep hill and flies through the trees, stopping right at the door of the clubhouse. The adrenaline is pumping through his veins as he catches his breath, waiting for a moment before opening the doors of the underground room. He jumps down, not bothering about the ladder, and sits in the hammock, awaiting Bev’s arrival.

*

Ten minutes later, the redhead comes in with a bag of dye, “I got shampoo, conditioner and all we need then in the barrens,” Bev announces. Eddie gets up from the hammock and pulls up a chair. “Shirt off, unless you want it ruined.” 

The hypochondriac doesn’t fuss, he pulls his shirt off and Bev wraps a raggy towel around him. He can feel her light hands section off a section of hair, “This is going to be red, so I’ll mix the red dye with bleach. I’ve watched my hairdresser do this all the time.”

Eddie can feel his anxiety start to rise, he has no faith in Bev but this is what people do right? 

A cold wet thick sticky liquid lands on his scalp, sending a cold shiver down his spine just as the opening of Mama by MCR blares out of Bev’s MP3 player. Eddie had always skipped the song but there’s just something interesting about the lyrics. 

The entirety of the song, it hits differently than all the others. 

_Mama, we're all full of lies_

_Mama, we're meant for the flies_

_And right now they're building a coffin your size_

_Mama, we're all full of lies_

“Bev, this is Mama, right?” Eddie asks as Bev moves the dye through Eddie’s short brown hair.

“Yeah, why?” Bev replies.

“It’s uh, why am I? I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I understand, have you listened to ‘I’m not okay’?” Eddie nods, “I get it, it’s meant to show the audience that they’re not alone.”

Eddie listens deeper, he feels his eyes close voluntarily and he gets completely lost in the song. It triggers something, like a switch in his brain, has been flipped. But the smell of ammonia fills his nostrils and tries to jerk away but Bev pulls him back.

“Sorry, that’s just the hair dye, it’ll pass right as we wash it.”

“Right, sorry, um, do you mind if you replay Mama, please?” 

“Yeah.”

Eddie goes to grab her mp3 player and replays Mama listening carefully. It’s hitting him hard, there’s nothing like having a song punch you in the stomach. The song itself is making him want to stand up to his mother even more.

_Well, Mother, what the war did to my legs and my tongue_

_You should've raised a baby girl_

_I should've been a better son_

_If you could coddle the infection_

_They can amputate at once_

_You should've been_

_I could have been a better son_

  
  


_Screw it!_ He wants to scream.

He wants to run out and call every university and college that his mom forced him out of. 

He hates her, he fucking hates her. She ruined his life. Everything he ever worked for and she pulled him out of the running.

“Eddie, whatever you need to do, do it. Stick it to your mother,” Bev says. “You’re 18, she no longer has the power, call the police, call someone, anyone.”

“Thanks, Bev. I’ll do it as soon as I get home,” Eddie replies.

“Right, I’m done with the back, now for that section.”

Bev moves to stand in front of the hypochondriac and starts to run the red dye through it. He has no idea as to why he hadn’t done this before. Eddie always wanted to defy his mother but had never gotten around to it because he was scared. He was terrified of what she’d do to him. 

“MCR is coming to concert a few hours away, I got tickets for both of us if you’re interested.” 

Eddie’s breath hitched, he has never been to a concert. This could be the Summer he’s always longed for, a Summer where he can be himself and not have to worry about his mother?

“Uh, yeah, count me in, Bev.”

“Sweet! It’ll be so sick!” With one final drag of her hand, she places the fringe on top of his head, away from his face. “All done, now we need to wait 30 minutes.”

Bev looks at the time on her mp3 player before she puts on a playlist that she made especially for the half-hour wait. 

*

Bev checks the time for the final time and drags Eddie out of the chair. 

“Ready to see your new hair?” Bev asks as she leads him out towards the barrens.

“Fuck yes!” Eddie cries. His gorgeous soft and once, brown, curls will soon be blonde and red. He’s ready, he’s ready for change, no longer wanting to be known as ‘Sonia Kaspbrak’s son’ or ‘the hypochondriac’. His name is Eddie, not Edward, Eddie. And Eddie wants to be who he wants, not what his mother wants. 

He’s been manipulated, isolated and abused all by the one woman he's meant to trust and love and he’s done with it, his mother needs to accept that she can't feed him lies and manipulate him any further. She needs to know that she can't make him do anything that he doesn't want to do, she no longer has the right to tell him what he can and can't do. Nobody should be treated the way that he has been for most of his life. 

“Okay, sit and lean your head back,” Bev says as they get to the edge of the barrens. Eddie does what he’s told and hears a light splash of the bucket dipping in. “Ready?”

“Yeah.”

An ice-cold liquid runs through his hair and down his back, the old rag soaking most of the water up. A few rounds of just pure water runs through his hair before Bev starts to run her shampoo in. Eddie loves the smell of her bubblegum shampoo, it always thinks it’s the smell of freedom rather than his smell of confinement and isolation. His hair smells like his mother, not himself. Her berry scented body wash and shampoo is so overpowering that his deodorant barely hides the smell. He can’t even wear cologne. 

“Almost done,” Bev exclaims and starts to rub in the conditioner. 

Once she has finished the two go their separate ways but Eddie doesn’t go back to his mother’s, instead, he cycles around town for a bit. Trying to gain the courage to head back home, not only with dyed hair but also smelling like someone that isn’t his mom.

*

“Eddie? Where have you been?” Sonia calls from the living room. 

The emo boy cringes, knowing that as soon as he passes the wall, she’ll see his hair. He’s quick to place his old bucket hat on his head, to hide the red and walks out to greet her.

“Out with Bev and Mike,” Eddie lies and walks over to kiss her cheek.

“No hats inside, Eddie.” With one quick pull, Sonia gasps. “What have you done?! Did that sick girl make you do this?”

“I made me do it, ma.” Eddie goes quiet, he recoils in fear.

“I will not have this! That girl needs to be told off for what she’s done to my boy!” Sonia laces her fingers into Eddie’s soft blonde hair. “It’ll need to be shaved now.” 

“ENOUGH!!” Eddie bellows, his voice going as deep as it can. “She is the only person who knows what it is like to have a shitty home life! I’ve stood up to you on several occasions and you push me away.”

“Edward stop.”

“NO! Listen! I am going to a good college, I am moving far away from this sick town! I’m an adult and if I want to dye my hair, kiss boys and fuck boys, I can. You no longer have control over me.”

Eddie storms up to his room and is immediately on the phone to several of the places that he had applied to before Sonia ruined his chances hoping that NYU or Yale will take him back. 

He has to take control. 

“Hi this is Molly from the student centre of NYU, how can I help you?” The receiver asks Eddie.

“Hi Molly, my name is Eddie Kaspbrak and I had received an acceptance letter from you guys a couple of months ago but my mother said that I was no longer interested.” Eddie states. “You see, I had turned 18 a few months before and so what she did was illegal.”

“I see, let me see what I can do, mind if I put you on hold?” 

“No, no. Do what you have to do.”

Music starts to come through the phone and the vibration of heavy footsteps come up the stairs and makes the floor shake. Eddie is quick to his feet as he flicks the latch on the door making sure it’s locked.

“Eddie, you there?” Molly asks

“Yes, yes,” Eddie replies.

“By the looks of it you are enrolled at a community college, was this your decision or your mother’s?”

He feels sick, community college? He thought that he agreed to take a year off and find another way of going to the college of his dreams. 

“I’m sorry, a community college? I never app - “ Eddie is cut off

“We have one more place and we can give it to you if you are interested.” 

Eddie’s stomach starts to somersault, twisting into knots.

“Yes, I am.” 

“Great. I’ll make the changes for you.”

“Thank you so much!”

“Not a problem, you’ll receive all necessary paper works and enrolment forms in your email within the next 2 days. If not, give us a ring.”

“Sorry, before you go. Is it my email that you have?”

She gives him the given email and he gives her his other one, the one that his mother doesn’t have the password to. Then he hangs up with a content sigh. He finally has his life on track, nothing will shake him now. And the second thing he has on his list is going to a concert with Bev, he can't wait!


	2. Who is this Richie Tozier that you Speak of?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie and Bev leave earlier than planned due to Sonia half grounding Eddie. The two go on a week-long road trip before settling in the town that the concert is at. 
> 
> In the line-up, the two meet with Stan and Bill, who were in the grade above them, and they take them in with them. Bypassing the 6-hour long wait in the heat and nothing but a few snacks and water.

A few weeks after his little spat at his mother just a couple of weeks ago, he needed to get out of the house. Sonia has essentially grounded him and is now playing a game of cat and mouse with her son and hair clippers. Sonia claimed that the chemicals kill brain cells just like listening to music that his mother does not approve of. This includes Queen and David Bowie.

Eddie’s been trying his best to pull it together until the concert with Bev when he can finally get out of town for a few days. But the concert isn’t for another week, so finding excuses to stay out of the house is getting pretty much impossible.

He feels like he’s grounded. He has a shorter curfew; his walkman’s gone; the bike’s gone; car privileges are also gone; his phone is gone, and his plush toys were taken to the thrift shop. He might as well be fucking grounded.

Eddie needs to go see Bev but her dad would beat her if he finds a boy in the apartment, even if that boy is gay. She doesn’t deserve this life but nobody in Derry cares, but they do care if a child is anything but their ‘norm’. The town is full of fucking bullshit and Eddie is over it, he just wants out.

“EDWARD!” A high pitch call comes from outside his window. The hypochondriac rushes to the opening and sees his redheaded friend down below.

“BEVERLY!” He calls back, “want me to let down my long-ass hair?”

“No.” Bev climbs up the apple tree that’s conveniently outside Eddie’s bedroom window. “Pack your bag, we’re leaving today.”

“What? Why?”

“Umm, you’re grounded, I can sense you’re one day away from falling back into your pattern.”

What she’s saying is 100% correct. With his distractions and modes of diversion of anger, he’s at a loss. He’s found himself in a downward spiral of depression and anger, his draw full of razors stare at him daily whenever he shaves his face. It’s a losing battle, fighting with temptation, a battle that he plans to win but his self-control will soon be at a loss. Cutting has become his addiction, much like alcohol to alcoholics.

“Come on, Eddie, don’t just stand there, move your ass.”

Eddie races around his room, grabbing clothes, underwear, socks as well as his toiletry items.

It doesn’t take long before the two are jumping out the window and darting into Bev’s red sedan.

*

Finally, out on the open road, Bev spots a shopping mall in the distance. Judging from the clothes that Eddie had packed, they are so not going to be suitable for an emo concert, it makes sense to shop for something a little more emo/punk.

The young lady pulls into the carpark of the mall and leads Eddie towards a few stores where they may find suitable clothing.

“Look around Eddie, it’s on me today,” Bev says and sends the young man on his way.

Eddie nods and starts to saunter through the aisles. The pants, shirts, shoes etc. Eddie starts to feel a little overwhelmed but pushes through it looking for everything in his size and wanting it to match his hair. There are a few items that catch his fancy and immediately takes them to the change rooms.

“Bev, ready for a bit of a fashion show?” Eddie asks.

“Uh, obviously!” Bev cries and Eddie laughs his way into the changing room.

*

Throughout their friendship, nobody understood how they became friends. Bev constantly showed rebellion, smoking in the school bathroom, cutting her hair very short, etc. While Eddie was neat, he always used hand sanitizer, hair was swooped to one side and straightened.

There were speculations that the two became friends because they were fucking but that was debunked when new speculation came about that Eddie was gay. Then the school finally settled on the fact that they probably had the gay best friend scenario, because apparently "every girl has to have a gay best friend".

But it was all false, except for the fact that Eddie's gay.

They became friends because Eddie found Bev crying, one day, in the alleyway, behind the pharmacy. She had a black ring around her right eye and his instincts kicked in. He immediately thought that it was Bowers who would have no issue in hitting a woman. But no, Bev was just like him, abused by someone who is meant to love you.

The hypochondriac showed the broken girl his hideout that he and his friends built last year near the barrens. He said that it’s a great escape because it’s peaceful and secret. Eddie had saved her and Bev had been forever grateful.

Even though his abuse was different, it still impacted him in a way that left him scarred. As they both opened up to each other, they realised that they were one of the same and ended up becoming best friends. They helped each other in the dark times, pushing right through the pain. Bev pushed him off the suicidal path and onto the clean path, showing him something that gets his anger out on something else, instead of himself.

Their friendship is a bond so great and rare that no one will ever understand the true power that the two hold.

*

After 4 hours of Eddie picking out outfits, they finally leave the mall with 5 different bags filled to the brim of punk rock items.

“You know what, let’s get tatts,” Eddie says, “there’s a parlour just down the road.”

The sudden hype coming from Eddie scares Bev, it’s something that she’s never seen. Dying your hair is just a minor thing, it’s temporary, your hair grows out or the dye washes out. But tattoos?

Bev looks to Eddie, an evil smirk etched on his face says it all.

“Eddie, you sure?”

“Positive.”

That one word sends a shiver down Bev’s spine but she drives a few meters down the road to the tattoo parlour that Eddie said.

Before Bev has time to turn the engine off, Eddie’s out the car and into the parlour.

  
  


As Eddie walks into the shop, he’s faced with walls full of harsh tatt designs. He isn’t exactly into the whole notion of tattoos, finds them dirty but hey, he’s finally showing some sort of rebellion and tatts are a good way, right?

Either way, the hypochondriac asks if there’s a spot free and is immediately taken through. All Eddie wants is something small and meaningful and asks for a semicolon on the side of his wrist symbolising his strength. Something he wished he had a long, long time ago.

“What the - ” Bev’s sentence is cut off as soon as she hears the tattoo gun turn on and Eddie wince as the needles pierce the skin.

“What’s up Bev?” Eddie asks.

“I was going to say, that we should get matching tattoos.” That is a complete lie on her part and she’s going to retract it but another tattoo artist is guiding her towards a seat on Eddie’s command.

“I’m Paul and I’ll be doing a semicolon on you today. Is there a particular spot that you’d like it?” As soon as the redhead’s artist says ‘semicolon’ she’s putty in his hands and points to her wrist.

  
  


As the needles continue to pierce his skin, the hypochondriac ponders over why he hated the thought of tattoos. He only ever wanted a few when he was younger, a means to have little meaningful symbols here and there but hygiene often came into play. Do they sterilise their tools? Do they change the needles after every person?

**** **** ****

A few days later, the two check into a rundown motel. It’s relatively cheap but the service and cleanliness of each of the rooms are despicable. Eddie’s germaphobia is through the roof, he wants to run around cleaning everything, especially the bed linen, but he fights himself not to. He knows that he won’t get sick as his vaccinations are up to date. There’s no reason for him to worry.

“I’m just going to have a shower, Bev,” Eddie says taking a clean pair of boxers with him.

He turns on the water, letting it run to the temperature he wants as he starts to strip away his clothes. The young man sticks his hand into the water and adjusts the temperature accordingly before stepping in and letting the water run down his body.

He immediately thinks back to his phone call with Sonia only a few hours ago. Eddie knows that she’s panicking but he couldn’t give two shits, he’s an adult and allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants. He has the trust fund that his dad had set up for him, knowing full well what Sonia is like.

Since Frank didn’t want to divorce Sonia during his last days because he wanted nothing more than to see his son, but he knew exactly what Sonia would do when he was gone. So he left his son 3 grand in an account that Sonia would never be able to touch and Eddie was only allowed access to when he was 18.

Eddie knew about the account when he was 10, and ever since he had been saving 85% of his allowance into the account; never withdrawing from it. He wanted as much money to go to college far, far away from Sonia.

“Eddie! It’s been 20 minutes, are you okay?!” Bev calls from the other side of the door.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Eddie replies and quickly turns off the water, only to realise that he was so caught up in his thoughts that he forgot to wash. He didn’t care, he still has deodorant that he can use to hide the fact that he didn’t wash his body.

*

A few hours later and Bev and Eddie sit hip to hip on one of the two single beds with the tv playing in the background. There’s nothing good on now but it’s only 9 pm, still a little early for the two to even consider sleep.

“I’m bored,” Eddie says staring at the screen.

“I got Nightmare on Elm Street on VHS,” Bev says.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner? Put it in bitch!”

Bev laughs and grabs the VHS box from her bag and placed it into the VHS player beside the tv. Eddie has never been one for horror films but he’s bored and doesn’t want to sleep, besides being scared shitless is all part of being alive! He has already done so much shit that he would never have thought about doing.

He’s had a needle stuck into him, ran away from his mother, dyed his hair, bought clothes that his mother would never approve of. Eddie’s proud of himself, and a horror film seems harmless apart from the nightmares that are gonna come afterwards.

But just as Bev sits back down beside Eddie, he feels his eyes start to droop. He tries to fight it but sleep overpowers him.

**** **** ****

The next day, Bev makes Eddie wake up early so that they could camp outside the venue. Eddie doesn’t see the point but when they get there, there’s already a huge line, he calculates that they’re at least 40 meters away from the gate with about 70 people standing in front of them. The two of them make do on the footpath, sitting cross-legged in the shade and several plastic water bottles so they can discard them later.

Not even a second later, 2 boys sit right beside them. Bev recognises one as William ‘Bill’ Denbrough, she worked with him on the school newspaper when he was in the 12th grade and she was in the 11th. Eddie recognises the other as Stanley ‘Stan’ Uris, the two did baseball together and was quite well-known in town for his Bah Mitzvah speech.

“Oh my goodness, Stan, it’s Bev and Eddie,” the tall brunette says to his curly-haired friend.

“So it is, how are you both doing?” Stan responds.

Eddie and Bev look at each other in shock, both Bill and Stan were quite popular, Bill was captain of the basketball team and Stan was the captain of the baseball team. Itis quite a wonder as to how they remember Bev and Eddie since the two of them kept to themselves in high school.

“We’re doing great,” Eddie replies, holding his hand out towards Stan who accepts the handshake. “What about you guys?”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re great,” Bill says. “Anyway, one of our mates is part of the tech crew and we’re about to head in, did you want to come with us?”

Eddie looks to Bev, almost as if he’s begging for her to say yes, but she looks back at him with suspicion in her eyes.

“How do we know that this isn’t a kidnapping or a means to get us arrested?” Bev responds.

“Ever heard of Richie Tozier?” Stan asks Bev and Eddie shake their heads. “He was from the town over, really sick dude.”

Eddie watches as Bill leans over and whispers something in Bev’s ears which makes her perk up and looks to Eddie through her peripheral vision. She simply agrees and follows the two boys in with Eddie in tow. The poor boy feels left in the dark but not wanting to be left behind in a crowd of angry teens, he sticks with the others.

Security leads them through the dark and windy corridors towards a dressing room. It’s supposedly where this ‘friend’ of theirs lets them hang while he’s ‘working’. Eddie feels a little uncomfortable, being in a room and not having met this ‘friend’ that Bill and Stan keep mentioning, it’s almost like they want to get them arrested or at least thrown out of the arena.

The hypochondriac sits warily on the ripped plaid sofa, along the back wall of the room while Bev sat on the desk. Bill and Stan shared an armchair, with Stan sitting on Bill’s lap.

“When’s this friend coming?” Eddie demands, his anxiety finally creeping up on him, enough to cause him grief.

“Oh, he's not, he’s on the crew team and he knows that we're here,” Bill explains. “He is also the opening act.”

Eddie nods slightly upon getting up to go to the bathroom in the corner of the room.

His anxiety isn’t doing him much good as it’s riling him up. He can feel the smothering feeling in his throat, his chest tightening, he wants to have a puff of his inhaler but he left it at home because that’s all that his asthma is; anxiety.

*

A couple of hours later, the 4 of them are escorted to the main floor, getting badges and stamps to show that they are allowed backstage when the show is done, courtesy of Richard Tozier. As they go to stamp Eddie’s hand and give him a backstage pass, he pulls away. Bev has to nudge him to make him stop acting like a child and take the offer that Bill and Stan have kindly given them. It’s not every day that two people, who they’re acquainted with, give them full backstage access.

But even Bev is curious as to who this Richie Tozier is. He must be in a pretty high up band for My Chemical Romance to ask them to open for them. How did Bill and Stan even come into contact with such a person as this mysterious Richie Tozier?

“Tuck them into your shirts,” Stan says. “In case someone decides to take it off you.”

They all take Stan’s advice and shove their passes down their shirts, hiding it from plain view. The plastic card hold scratches at Eddie’s stomach but he knows that he’s just gotta take the good with the bad.

The 4 are led to the left-hand side of the stage, smack bang in the middle of the stage and back of the arena. They get stink eyes from members of the crowd as they got to bypass the security and come in through a secret passage for the crew members, but the 4 didn’t care.

  
  


“Reckon they’re dating?” Bev whispers, signalling over to Bill and Stan.

“No, the dynamic is all wrong, I think that they’re a bit like us,” Eddie replies.

Just as he finishes the lights to down and a heavy drum beat starts, people are screaming but it’s the lead singer that takes Eddie’s interest. He’s tall with a head of dark chocolate curls. His outfit hangs a little weirdly off his lanky body, but it somehow suited him as he jams out on stage.

Eddie finds himself entranced under a spell, whoever this band was, the lead vocalist is hot, there’s no doubt about it. It is the way that the vocalist swings his hips, occasionally thrusting into his guitar; he’s captured Eddie’s attention and quite possibly almost every single person in the crowd.

The music that they are playing isn’t as deep as MCR’s but still conveys the important messages.

“Hey, Stan? Who’s the singer?” Eddie screams to the tall curly-haired man.

“That’s Richie. Why?” Stan replies.

“He’s kinda hot,” Eddie responds with a shrug of his shoulders, Stan smirks and looks back up at Richie.

Bill and Stan were surprised that Bev and Eddie didn’t know who Richie was until tonight. Ever since the band had come out a couple of years ago, they spread like wildfire across all the small towns of Maine. Their music wasn’t mainstreamed until late last year when Richie had started a job at his college’s radio station. From that moment forward, his band has gone mainstream on the radio stations that play rock music above everything else.

**** **** ****

A couple of hours later, in the middle of MCR’s set, the 4 of them make their way into the middle of the pit, wanting to enjoy bass’ vibrations more. Only they’re split up from a few people crowd surfing and Stan and Eddie are pushed over to the left-hand side of the stage.

Eddie grips hold of Stan’s wrist, not wanting to be pushed away from him either, he looks around to see if he can see Bev and Bill, but no luck. Stan drags him to the front, they’re pushed right into the barrier and Stan begins jumping and screaming the lyrics. Eddie follows suit but unsure if he should even be having fun or if he should go looking for Bev and Bill.

“Relax! We’ll see them in the dressing room after,” Stan screams.

Eddie releases his tensing muscles and lets the people behind him slam him into the barrier, he can feel his ribs, arms and knees starting to gain bruises but the hypochondriac doesn’t care. He turns to Stan briefly to scream lyrics to him before his hip gets slammed against the metal fence. It’s brutal but that’s the way it goes.

Suddenly Gerard Way is screaming out ‘Mama’ and Eddie screams louder, his fingers making the rock and roll gesture. It’s the song that reminds him so much of Sonia and the grief that she has caused him. And as he’s rocking out, he gets lost in the moment, the bass vibrations shaking him. He gets lost in the screaming, the lyrics and the band that is 3 meters away from him.

If only Bev was with him now, she would be filming this and never letting him live it down. The most uptight, rigid boy sh knows is letting himself get slammed in a metal fence, screaming, sticking his tongue out, but most importantly, letting loose. Eddie is cussing instead of skipping the words like he does when he’s at home, he doesn’t just say them, he belts them as if today is his last day on earth.

Eddie feels Stan’s hand grip his and starts to drag him back towards the way they came in, the hypochondriac doesn’t see Bill or Bev and Stan hasn’t checked his phone. But as they push past the last of the people to get to the side, Eddie sees him. The tall hot vocalist of the opening act.

“It’s almost over, thought I’d catch the last two songs with you guys,” the hottie says. “Who’s this rocking cutie?”

“Eddie Kaspbrak, Stan and I went to high school together,” Eddie replies, screaming into Richie’s ear to be heard above the music.

Seeing him up close and personal, Eddie swears that he’s even hotter than when he was up on stage. The way his dark curls sit, his lanky frame has a bit of muscle on his, he’s even got a sleeve of tattoos and a few piercings. Eddie didn’t think he would ever find that shit attractive, but he does. Every guy in the playboy magazines, that he has hidden in his bedroom, don’t give him the feelings that Richie is. Mind you, Richie did call him a ‘cutie’.

Eddie feels someone pinch his butt and immediately, he’s drawn out of his trance and sees Richie smirking down at him.

“Have some fun, cutie!” The other man screams, Stan just chuckles and winks at Eddie.

Eddie joins in with belting out the lyrics to ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ jumping up and down and having a grand ole time. He turns away from the band and faces inwards to Stan and Richie, and the tall vocalist takes that as an opportunity to pinch Eddie’s cheek.

The look of shock and embarrassment on Eddie’s face is enough for Richie to just burst out laughing.

“Not funny!” Eddie calls.

“It’s cute, Spaghetti.”

“Not my name!”

Well, that just killed the vibe. Who does he think he is? Is this what he calls flirting? If so, Eddie is, somehow, into it.


	3. What Could Have Been ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are sexual references and recreational drug use in this chapter.

The 5 of them head back to the dressing room that Bill, Stan, Eddie and Bev had been in waiting for the concert to start. They all just hang around talking to one another, but there’s something in Richie’s expression and eyes that express something else. He looks mostly at Eddie, constantly looking him up and down casually, Bev watches him do it and says nothing. 

“Say, Eds, you’re not Sonia Kaspbrak’s son, are you?” The vocalist asks.

“Yeah, why?” Eddie replies.

“No reason.” 

Richie goes back to talking with Stan, occasionally checking Eddie out. 

Richie notices how the hypochondriac’s pants showed the almost perfect curve of his ass, as the young man stands up to get a bottle of water from the fridge. This opens the gate for imagination, the singer could only imagine if a six-pack is hiding the T-shirt or at least a toned stomach with a good set of biceps. Either way, the singer is already unbelievably whipped for the hypochondriac, even though he barely even knows him. Even though he doesn't know it, but that sexy ass singer is more than willing to do anything for him. 

Just as Eddie goes back to sit down, he swings his ass right into Richie’s face causing the vocalist springs to his feet. 

“Let’s head back to ours. They’ll be coming round to kick us out soon,” Richie says abruptly.

And just like that, they’re all piling into Richie’s car. Eddie scores the front seat and looks back to see 3 smirking faces. The hypochondriac rolls his eyes at them and focuses on the road in front of them. 

*

It’s a fairly quick ride over to their apartment and with each passing minute, Eddie can feel himself getting more and more nervous. He had never fully trusted Stan in his life, even though they were on the same baseball team. This is different though, this is life and they’re 19-year-old dudes and a 23-year-old man, there are plenty of things that can go wrong. But that’s probably just Eddie’s anxiety talking. 

The 5 of them walk up 3 flights of stairs of a rundown apartment complex, which Eddie is almost completely certain that the walls are covered with asbestos, cracks and mould. The inside of their apartment, however, is littered with new furniture that must’ve cost a fortune, even though the rent is probably cheap, there is no way that any of them could afford that nice furniture on their own.

“Anyone want anything?” Richie asks, “we have beers, vodka, tequila, whiskey.”

Bev, Stan and Bill all shout for a beer while Eddie just asks for water, which earns him a death glare from Bev. Eddie hasn’t been one to drink, especially since he’s underage, he’s tried a few drinks, curtesy of Bev, but he didn’t like it. The burn, the taste, the aftertaste - he couldn’t bring himself to like it. 

When Richie comes back, he hands beers to the 3 that wanted them and passes 1 of 2 bottles of water to Eddie. The singer gestures to the balcony and the hypochondriac follows him out. 

Even though the complex is old, it still has one of the best views of the city. As the hypochondriac sits down in the seat beside Richie, he can see as the odd car or 2 passes by, the change of the traffic lights and other apartment complex’s bright lights. It’s stunning, you don’t see this in Derry. There’s rarely a car that drives through town, and because of that, there are no traffic lights. No one’s up after 10 because of a curfew still in place from a series of murders that happened a few years ago.

“Not a fan of alcohol?” Richie asks.

“Not really,” Eddie replies. 

“That’s okay.” 

The two end up in comfortable silence, staring out the roads below. It’s late so understandably there are hardly any cars out, it’s nice, the only sound is the light breeze that blows every few seconds, brushing Eddie’s hair into his eyes.

“Everyone knew you,” Richie says suddenly, “you were known as ‘Sonia Kaspbrak’s kid’. Everyone felt bad for you. You see your mom used to live in our town.”

“Why’d she move?” Eddie whispers.

“Nobody knows, you weren’t born yet, your dad was happy. But then, by word of mouth, the whole town found out about her ways.” Richie pauses and looks Eddie dead in the eye, “our town accepted those that were deemed abnormal by Derry. We all knew the possessive and manipulating ways of Derry.”

“I don’t understand.” 

“My theory is, when Frank died, it triggered PTSD in Sonia, she was treated just like you, back in Derry. She wanted you to grow up in a bubble to protect you from cancer, illnesses and people like me.”

“People like you?”

“People who are gay, bi, etcetera, etcetera.”

Richie didn't mean for it to sound like he is dismissing the LGBTQ+, but he didn't want to list everything, given the lengthening list. He stands proud and has adjusted the lyrics to his songs accordingly for the growing LGBTQ+ community as well as those that are straight. Richie's lazy, it's probably why he finds himself single most of the time or has meaningless hookups. It sucks but that's the way it is. 

However, it still makes no sense to Eddie. Did that mean that his mom was subjected to the psychological and emotional abuse, that made her believe she was sick? So when his dad died, she relapsed into her parent’s patterns and abused Eddie? There’s a number of open possibilities that could’ve triggered Sonia, but either way, what she did is unforgivable. 

Eddie leans more into the chair, staring blankly into the distance. He couldn’t fathom what Richie had said, he just wants to forget. And as if the man beside him can read his mind, Richie pulls out a bag of weed.

“Oh, I uh - I haven’t - “ Eddie stammers.

“You also have uh -” Richie raises his hands to use as air quotes as he says, “asthma.”

“Yeah.” 

_Wow_ , Eddie thinks, _they must have researched me_.

“I want to though,” Eddie says, “isn’t there a, uh, a thing called shotgunning?”

“Yeah,” Richie replies. 

Richie explains what Eddie has to do, briefly. The singer lights the joint up and inhales the illicit substance, Eddie leans forward, placing his lips on Richie’s and parts his mouth hesitantly. As Richie exhales, Eddie inhales, capturing the smoke. 

“How was it?” Richie asks.

“Good,” Eddie replies a little dazed, he takes the joint from Richie an inhales straight from it but he immediately coughs. “Nevermind.” Richie chuckles.

Normally if a guy smokes weed/cigarettes or has tattoos &/or piercings, Eddie would run away, far away as he doesn’t find that stuff attractive. But Richie has Eddie puzzled. Why is he suddenly attractive to a guy who does drugs and has a number of body modifications? He doesn’t know, but yet, here he is, out on the balcony smoking weed with Richie.

Maybe it’s the weed talking but Eddie starts to kiss the other man, his dazed state makes this seem like nothing but a dream. The hypochondriac repositions himself so that he’s sitting directly on Richie’s lap, his hands go in his hair and tongue goes into Richie’s mouth. He can feel an unfamiliar feeling in the pit of his stomach, it’s a feeling that almost causes him to stop, but he doesn’t. It isn’t until Richie moans into Eddie’s mouth that he pulls away and immediately looks down.

  
  


Eddie runs back inside to Bev, dragging her out of the apartment. He knows what that feeling is, he knows that he has to get out. His conscience is telling him to leave but another part of him is begging him to stay, and if he were to listen to that said part, heaven forbid, he would wake up regretting it. 

“Eddie?” Bev asks, but he doesn’t answer, he hails for a taxi to take them back to the motel.

**** **** **** ****

The entire trip is awkward, Eddie has gone full panic mode and Bev is watching him in fear. She has no idea what to do, or why he’s acting so strangely, it’s too dim, but she swears his eyes are bloodshot. Was he crying? Did Richie do something to him? What is going on?

As soon as the taxi pulls up to the motel, Eddie’s dragging Bev into the room and slams the door shut. He still doesn’t speak but points down to his groin and Bev chuckles.

“You wanted to leave because you got a boner?!” Bev squeaks.

“No, I wanted to leave because I’m high and I have a boner,” Eddie clarifies.

“You got high without me?! Eddie!” 

“Not the issue Bev! What do I do? I was making out with him and he - he -”

“He what?” 

Eddie sighs, the words struggling to come out. 

“He felt it, he moaned and - and I ran.” 

Bev just starts laughing, she had always wondered what Eddie would be like drunk, and what he’d be like high. Well now her wish has come true and it’s concerning her, he’s paranoid. 

“It’s normal Eddie.”

“I know it’s normal.”

“Then what’s the issue?”

Eddie stops panicking, what is the issue? Nothing comes to his mind, there isn’t any need to panic.

“I guess - wait - he probably hates me!” 

Eddie starts to tear up a little, he had run out of there quick smart and Richie probably hates him for it. He ruined their moment; they had been flirting all night and now his, possibly, one chance to finally have a good time is ruined. Not to mention, he didn’t even get Richie’s number. He bolts to the bathroom and turns the shower on, his clothes are off within seconds. Knowing that Bev will still be able to hear him he leans against the wall turning his head so that his mouth is in his arm.

*

Upon getting out, the thought of Richie just won't leave him. 

"You okay Eddie? You were in there a while," Bev says.

"I need to be alone tonight," Eddie replies quietly.

"Do what you have to do, I'll sleep in the car."

"No, no, I will."

"Privacy," is all Bev says and leaves Eddie to his vices. 

He has never been in this situation before, sure he gets hardons almost every day, but they tend to go away ... eventually. But tonight, he doesn't know if it's because of his attraction to Richie and now the constant thought of fucking him, or if it's the weed affecting him this way. He can't tell, but a quick session in the shower just won't cut it. 


End file.
